Episode 52:

Be More Attractive. Work on Your PIES.

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When it comes to relationships, being attracted to someone and being attractive to them is crucial. While you may immediately think of attraction as only pertaining to appearance, it goes so much deeper. In our conversation with Kimberly Beam Holmes, we learn the PIES of Attraction and how they can help your relationships as well as (and most importantly) you. PIES stands for Physical, Intellectual, Emotional and Spiritual, and those are the components of attraction that you should consider when thinking of working on any of your relationships and yourself. Kimberly breaks all of these down and shares insights & examples of each so you can start to apply this work to your life.

In the “You Want Me To Do What??” section, Shanna and Nicole lament that PIES doesn’t just mean eating delicious baked goods to make yourself more attractive (just kidding...kind of). Shanna shares how she intuitively understood the importance of the PIES concept years ago, after her divorce. She has been consistently working on her PIES as a way to show up better in her relationships. Nicole provides some details about her relationship coaching experience and how she now realizes that working on yourself can impact how her husband shows up in their relationship.

Episode Recap:

Interview with Kimberly Beam Holmes - 2:30

"You Want Me To Do What??" - 39:18


  • Kimberly found in her work at the Marriage Helper that there is a process to falling in love, and it starts with attraction

  • PIES are the four aspects that make up attraction

    • P - Physical

    • I - Intellectual

    • E - Emotional

    • S - Spiritual

  • The PIES are the layers of attraction. P (physical) is the first layer, and you get deeper with each layer/letter.

  • How you physically look might be what catches your eye with someone, but it’s not what will keep you attracted

  • The physical component of attraction has more to do with things such as energy level, how you are fueling yourself (food, drink), and how you feel in your body.

  • For the intellectual component, ask yourself, “Am I an interesting person to talk to?” - what hobbies & interests do you have

  • Another consideration with the intellectual component is that you can strengthen your connection with someone by participating in their hobbies/interests, even when you wouldn’t choose them for yourself

  • Emotional - for this component, consider “Do I invoke emotions in another person that they enjoy? Do others like how they feel when they are around me?”

  • With the spiritual component, understand what your beliefs & values are AND whether you are living in line with those.

  • Of the four elements (PIES), you can be positive, neutral or negative. If you are negative in any of the aspects, it can start to detract from your relationship

  • The Whole Love Path starts with Attraction, moves to Acceptance (is this someone I accept as they are?), then becomes Attachment, and continues to Aspiration.


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